Wolf Notes

The other day, Jonathan and I were chatting about fear. I once again do not remember the context of the conversation, but I said something like, I’m scared of a lot of things, but I do them anyway.

To this, he said, “like what?”

I rattled off a few things, and it turns out I am scared of a lot of stuff. I don’t remember always being so skittish, so I’m unsure if that came with age and knowing more about how delicate life is, or if I’ve always been a little hesitant but went for it regardless.

Apparently I’m also a little scared of wolves. Guess I didn’t realize it because it doesn’t come up in my day to day existence, (or didn’t until recently.) Of course, I wouldn’t want anything to happen to a wolf, and I really wish we humans would stop destroying their habitats and SOAPBOX so I’m going to stop here, but you get the point. That said, the idea of hanging with wolves makes me a little nervous.

There’s a place in LA called APEX PROTECTION PROJECT, run by two long time friends of my husband, and now my friends, Paula and Steve. They are the real deal. They have dedicated their lives to helping these creatures. So when we called and asked if we could have a private tour for my father who was visiting, they kindly acquiesced.

Jonathan and I went one time before, and while it was a wonderful experience, it was in a larger group which changed the dynamics of the visit. This time it was just the three of us, and those who work/live at the compound. (I’m calling it a compound, I’m not sure what it’s actually called.)

Our hosts talked a lot about our energy, and how the wolves absorb it and while dog-like, to keep in mind these are wild animals. Some more domesticated than others, as some were rescued as puppies or born in captivity, while others were not. We were told the individual story of each creature and how it came to live at the rescue. I will spare you those details, but the takeaway is that some people are greedy, horrible, and deserve bad things. (you can learn the story of each wolf on their website)

Our hosts also let us know that the wolves, if comfortable with you, would likely come and “RUB THEIR SCENT ON US,” and basically, you just have to let it happen. Sort of like in CHRISTMAS VACATION where Cousin Eddy says if Snots the dog “does lay into you, it’s best to just let him finish”.

I don’t remember which one that is in my lap, even though they told us repeatedly. When I’m nervous I sort of black out in my brain, and all I could think was, I wore the wrong pants and shoes and this wolf is going to take my water and then eat me and I’ll be shat off a cliff. It did one of those things.

The whole experience was incredible, and there’s something primal that happens being in their presence I can’t explain.

The wolves really took to Jonathan, which doesn’t surprise me, followed by my dad, then me. We were told they might remember J and I from the last visit.

(the above image was our first visit and OMG LOOK AT HOW BIG THOR IS)

I think they were giving me a show of respect by not being in my bubble too much, because they knew I was nervous. I’m not kidding, I really think that’s true. They let me know, hey, we’re cool, but we get you’re feeling on edge so we’re going to go check out these two. Plus, men historically are the hunters of these guys, so I think the wolves needed to know the score.

Anyway, the whole experience got me thinking about a lot of things. Belonging and found family. How these wolves had to find their own packs in this new world and it wasn’t always smooth sailing. My own family, and how much my mom would have enjoyed being there. About being present, as you sort of transport mentally, because you don’t want to think about anything that might shift your energy into a negative space they could pick up on.

If I’m being honest, I was left with a deep sense of wonder and melancholy. With the urge to help and fundraise and volunteer and become a full time wolf saver. I also flashed back to the top of this year when I was doing outreach after the LA Fires and quickly realized that wolf saving might not be the right path for me at the moment. They did say regarding fire danger, they could have all the animals, (22 as of this writing) loaded and ready to roll out in an hour.

My little wolf was quite fascinated by all the smells when we got home, and he too had a recent vet bill which I didn't complain about this time after hearing what it costs to care for a wolf.

A few notes: The wolves that wear collars do so because they roam the hills of the property on the morning hikes off leash.

I’m doing this off memory, but my recollection is that while pure wolf breeding is illegal, if you mix the wolf with dog, and they have even a little bit of dog dna, that in certain states, (damn you Texas) you can own a “wolf-dog.”
Unfortunately, you don’t know how much wolf vs dog you will get in this scenario, and not everyone (almost no one) is equipped to take care of a wolf, and they get abandoned, abused, neglected, etc.

Shoutout to the two volunteers we met while we were there, Chelsea, a vet tech who was cutting up and covered in raw meat, Lisa, a trainer and adoption director who quietly came with at every enclosure and made sure doors and all escape routes were blocked. Especially when we met RAMA, the escape artist.

Paula and Steve visit and educate schools, do “pack-hikes” and other wolfy activity that is ever changing on their website based on need, availability, etc. Contact them if you know a place that might be interested, as it truly is a life changing experience.

They don’t know I am writing this Substack. They probably don’t know I have a Substack because when would they even have time for such a thing? Wolf care is round the clock.

So I’m bringing it here, dear reader, to let you know that this place exists, that they are the real deal, that vet bills for a wolf are CRAZY expensive, and also, be kind to your family, found or otherwise. Unless they suck, then find your new pack.

And, here’s a howling video. (don’t worry, they’re enjoying it all or they’d be visibly agitated and pacing) Forgive the quality of the image, I scotch taped the camera on my cell phone because there’s a crack in the glass and my ACTUAL biggest fear is going to the cell phone store and spending the day getting a new phone.